For Always

Faded like an old and soft brown photograph, we still remained here somehow.

We strains to make some sense of all the colors among a haze of grey.

Happy 51st Anniversary, Malaysia.

Consequences Of Sound

There was a moment when her desire for it turned into disgust for herself. She constantly shoved temper on her for a very good reason. The passion was lacked of a smile, an essence. The thinking came padded in a white foreign thought as she promised to herself dearly. Never embedding the ceasing hopes anywhere near that building, for people around her never ever came back again after they went in.

It’s been a year.

If thing’s weren’t so complicated. If she was given a third option. If she knew that knowing was better than wondering at any rate.

The scent of a woman lingered in you. A split second to observe, she scratched out for that gathering speed under the August Sky. At first, it was all about describing the vivid movement. Later it was more than a story. He listened intently as she set the scene and she’s always taking that shade of deep breathe only she can hear. Water’s getting harder to track, she mustered the courage to overcome the tortured conversation while closing her eyes, trying to remember the details of his face, telling her everything is all right. Sometimes, a smile lingers across as that images play silently in her mind, but most of the time, it was a puddle of blur tone. That’s when the memory’s playing hide and seeks with her, pleading for a difference.

The noise and warmness among people across the street only reminded her even more of the wide awake loneliness when alone. She wondered how they’d remember her.

—

Once in a while, you Google up her name just to find her.

Yet you are convinced only by that slightest feeling long gone.

Somewhere like outer space,

She’s found some better places.

There was never an answer anyway.

—

That was many years ago.

Soundtrack: James Morrison-You Make It Real

That’s why I’ve been missing you lately

Cause you make it real for me

Roses In The Attic

My parents are the science of communicating. And they draw lines all over to create boundaries. And that’s when the superfluous noises fade in and lingers in the air all night, loud enough as an eye pleasure for those who cares. And that’s when I don’t get to go for the Penang trip. And that’s when I spoiled the crowd’s mood.

I think.

And that involves a whole lot more procedure you won’t wanna know.

- Promise to self to be rebel as often as possible.

-Telling my dad to buzz off and being mentally prepared to fight with him.

-Eat shamelessly. For the sake of Asam Laksa crave.

-Wondering how people whom are biologically programmed to love me always put me within walls to live on.

-Watch Grey’s Anatomy. Again.

Man that is really the cook book you know, the 5th one. I do feel much better now. Really. Although the crying part were obviously more than enough. That, shall be my lesson on the disappointment with familiarity.

Anyway.

Yesterday was a blast. Karaoke session hadn’t been this cuckoo since high school.

Today was just pure heart attack lah.

Case #1

EV picked Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman by Bryan Adams.

EV: Eh people, sing with me leh. Zheng Joo, you sing! I think you will know this one.

Me: Uh okay. (Catch the mike, busy counting the Longan in my drinks)

EV: To really love a woman, to understand her – you gotta know it deep inside…

Me: Hear every thought, see every dream… Uh EV, are you sure you wanna sing this song?

EV: Why leh?

Me: Uh I feel abit psychoish now. Cause uh I don’t really love a woman wei. I mean we ARE woman…

EV: When you love a woman you tell her that she’s really wanted.. (Burst Out Laughing)

Emily: WHAT??!

EV: Okay I feel abit bian tai also now…And then I look at ZJ’s face when she sing those line, cannot make it…

***

Case #2

Emily suddenly straightened herself up in eager when we are singing Leona Lewis-Better In Times.

And you wanna know why?

She was preparing to sing for the background music for every 2 lines in that song.

That AaaAAAaaa.

That thing. Go Listen.

After she was done doing that in the midst of swinging her body merrily, we were staring speechlessly.

***

Case #3

Emily picked A World To Believe In by Celine Dion Fea Ito Yuna. Like wth right.

Us: What song is this?

Emily: Sound so wow right?

Us: (Sing)

And takes me back home
Takes me back home

…

Takai kabe no mukou
Nani ga attemo

Me: What the…

(Namida de afureru kokoro wo
Yorisou you ni daite kureta
Kizukeba hitori de wa nakatta
Kaze no hi mo
Ame no hi mo)

The next 5 minutes was a similarity of a bad Korean class.

Sounded like we have 5 apples in our mouth at one go.

***

Case #4

Phone rang. Caller Id: Kenny. Yes, the Kenny in Penang.

Me: Hello?

Kenny: (With a disastrous noises behind) Eh, help me call Tiny. I am lost already.

Me: Har?! Where are you?

Kenny: In Penang lah. Help me call Tiny’s phone cause I cant get him. They all leave without me edi.

Me: You are LOST IN PENANG?! What the heck??!

Kenny: Yes lah, help me call yor.

Me: Okay okay.

(Called Tiny)

ZK: Hello?

Me: (Cause it’s obviously not Tiny) You are?!

ZK: Zhi Kang. Ahh what?!

Me: UH wheres Tiny?! I needa talk to him?!

ZK: He’s not with his phone lah. Why?! He’s in Raymond’s car, you call Raymond.

Me: Har Raymond’s car? Oh cause he’s freaking lost in Penang from UH you guys and Kenny wants me to call him to call him back OMG (deep breathe).

ZK: Okay okay you call Raymond, fast.

***

Geez. I am so dumb I can get No.1 in a Be-A-Bimbo competition. And this is not the 1st time okay, being conned by them!

Why am I so hopelessly dumb?!

T________________________T

And I was telling Emily the incident, and was half way telling the tale vivaciously, NO, actually it wasn;t half way, more like at the very beginning, where I mentioned Kenny asking me for the favor,

She typed,

You believed meh?!

OMG. That was it.

I am officially stupid and dumb.

T_________________________T

Never mind.

Sean promised to help when I said I am gonna murder them. Haha.

—

“We all think we’re going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren’t met. But sometimes expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady. Standing. Still, the expected’s just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives.”

-Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy.

So much for having hope, eh?

I shall keep those words when I get my semester results.

Silly me.

p/s It’s weird having lecturer reading my words but I guess of all people, you’d be doing fine digesting my scribbles. Hah. Hi Liwen!

p/p/s And that was Kenny with the uncles, not me. Although referring all guys as uncle is one of my practices.

So, yeah, Kenny you are officially dead.

__________

Feeling: Whimsical

Soundtrack: Strays Don’t Sleep- For Blue Skies

Happily Never After

The apparent absence of sanity, I’ll just be haphazard at the moment.

-I learned about distance between human today. It’s close enough to catch the scent within; yet indefinite far you would stare upon the starry night everyday, pondering.

-Sacrificing for the mere sake of art brings temptation to excuse and accusing. And they always apply, even when you don’t agree with them. So that’s why you get all the say, like an enchanted twilight luring mass to luxuriate shop window when they are merely fake illusion created by you. I’d misjudged you for more than what you do not deserve and I hated it.

-Starry nights really made me ponder. In fact, badly.

-I’m sorry for bad mouthing on you. You deserve more than that, honestly. I hope low self-confidence would be long gone since then. Thanks for even trying on bunch of hopelessness.

-I feel jolly good well whenever I see Li Wen nowadays. Cause he’ll be at least smiling. I noticed how he walks in a more swift motion nowadays compare to last sem, without that bitter troubled aura. It’s much better now. Weird huh? I feel like I am actually communicating with him through gestures much more now than I did the last sem cause he’s always so stiff and silent in class. And maybe I am independent enough to take questions; we never really talked more than a 20 words sentence. I was kind of troubled at first but still speeds off through that fast. What a pity. I knew there’s lots more deeply meaningful visage going on his context of teaching.

-I’m happy I am still passionate on what am I doing, in another words, I haven’t lose interest and things are still appealing to me.

-I am addicted to Stars- One More Night.

-Way Chyuan is leaving on a jet plane soon and I felt a sense of lose for the future pioneers. Because when he shared that one piece of information with full concentration, he really meant well. And when he jokes and we simply laugh heartlessly, he never realizes that was even a joke.

-Michael’s advice on at some point between earth and sea, things are never as simple as what they are today really struck me. I wished hints like that come often in life for many years to come ahead but that would be impossible. And it’s rare to find his existence or even a closer one. While they are thinking constantly about what would have happen if I were to stop teaching, where would I be? , he’s trying to give back for a better circle in life. Thoughts and deed I’ve never seen.

-Olympic opening was permutations abound. My dad was proud alright. Heck, I didn’t even know he subscribed Supersport just for the long awaiting opening ceremony. Man power! For that I give my greatest applause for that one year practice. What’s more important was that it actually leads us from a rich history and culture of 5000 years into a foreseen futurism as well. That human painting was, well not a new mechanism but worth an eye.

-21, The Movie was mind blowing. Not as much as Dark Knight, but oh well, I had a good watch. Jim Sturgess flashing out that almost perfect smirking and his relationship between Kevin Spacey, it all somewhat enclosed shadows of Haley Joel Osment and Kevin in The Sixth Sense. Watch it aite.

- Jason Reeves creates wonder. I think he should just married Colby Caillate, have babies, and plays guitars together till the rest of their lives.

- I am afraid of sleeping already. Even when i knowingly deserve them. Even when there’s a major writing examination or presentation tomorrow. I am afraid of missing out something from the schedule. There’s just endless curtains to hang up.

-I lived in an aloof disposition, I’m aware of that. But I despise people calling me that.

-Melee’s Built to Last makes me smile and sorrow at the same time. That kind of atmospheric so powerful you wished to escape into.

-Debbie seems so small and insignificant now. Not for that sour faces. Nor the confusing critique session. But for not being able to make an impact in my life. It’s almost as if I learned nothing from her and gained so little. She’s always not really sure and I’m always hunger for more changes and realizations. I don’t even feel jitteriness when facing her anymore. Everything felt empty and wasted. I wished things were better but obviously, not gonna happen.

-My dreams getting more bizarre and way out of the lines. I am thinking of reading up dreams interpretation.

-I hope you are doing fine, in my definition of fine. Not hers.

-People are gonna hate me for what am I gonna do, but I don’t care anymore.

-I’d love to be a monitor for the good sake, if only you and you and oh not forgetting you would vanish into thin air.

-Candice really opens up a lot in me. Back then, there were fewer questions. I treasured this encounter a lot. For her, perhaps, I’m just another student, perhaps weirder in a lot of way, but for me, I felt as if I have been learning from her since forever. I’m happy for that inspiration. Perhaps too selfish to even secretly hope she wouldn’t leave for pursuing her Master so soon, but there’s so much to learn!

-I wished you would just stop ranting at times and start listening.

-My financial management’s really doing me no good.

-You both made me laugh a lot this week. So thank you.

-I’ve been reading Harry Potter all seven series for the 9 zillions times I swear. Is there a higher description for addictive cause I’ve reached way beyond that. TOA students never ever laid an eye on them, in fact its childish for most of them. So for that, no one would get my craze over the clever planned plot by Rowling; or when Hedwig and Dobby died at the last part, I cried like nobody’s business. And I don’t usually get weepy if you were to slump me a bitch slap or crunch me with all this madness of peer pressure. I never do. Only good films and books do those effects. Sigh. How I missed times in TCPJ when I eventually jumped around with you and you moaning over Fred’s death. They’ve grown so much on me.

-You are disgusting at times.

-I missed my old journal. Here’s the thing. I always misses old stuff. Therefore my mum’s always nagging hell of my head to clear the drawers with those old chunks but I never could. I would even moaned over for a lost eraser. An eraser!

-I’ve chosen Advertising Design as my major. I have always wanted to venture into this field and this thought was never shaken, not even when I knew I was capable of and grew growing my interest speedily in Illustration. But that would always retained as a learned skill and passionate hobby, not something I would change the world with.

I should be jolly well sleeping now. It’s 4.am.

Someone somewhere, I wished you well.

Goodnight.

_________

Feeling: White

Soundtrack: A Fine Frenzy-Almost Lover

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should’ve known you’d bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do