The Escaped Fallacy

I only write when the fistful of muse juggles up the mind and I couldn’t bear to acquaint in silent. Astonishingly I managed to establish a portrait figure within two hours given the fact that I applied simplified stroke and the results left me pondering for a very long time. I think I actually paused for a moment, trying hard to remember how this figure get on that piece of paper, and to who may it belongs to. I am agonizing like that. It is one of these mornings again, where I haven’t slept at all because I just can’t. Be it the mounting assignments that I wouldn’t race them with poor finishing or the fracture perpetual once upon a time. They condense and float away sometimes. But increasing lately.

Carelessly I have reached the mid February of a brand new year. New Year resolution never worked out for me seeing that I always lost the safest place to finally settle down. If life were meant to equalize pleasing resolutions, I’d rather continue another perspective of something uncommon and spent half my life tearing for the beautiful. I’ve been just thinking so much. About how I rely on angst to compose a judgment. When I was 14 years old, the age of today seemed so far away and the transparency of future always vibe up the hopefulness in me because I knew there were so much to be accomplished. And here I am today, refraining myself to bring up the future because of the uncertainty inside else. Where had the million years of light flew across and why didn’t I notice the silent warning within? In the end of the road, that piece of stained whiteness still consists of the optimism 5 years ago. 

Which I pulled over the surface when it comes down to sleepless night.

When things are already over and besides, I inhale them. Even if my imagination allowed me to indulge into redeemable and the magic of believing it, it all boils down to lack of respect, on many levels. People sometimes take people for granted and just dismissed their words to form a whole new sentence. And it’s fucking irrelevant to the point of annoying. I am not ready to remind mistakes. Next time when I ever mentioned that I always tried to disappear in the crowd of people, it is the haunting persona of yours that messes with the hormones. Geez.

On a lighter note, these are the few things that made me happy lately.

1. To be surrounded by familiar voices again. Ever since I transferred, it scares me on how little I need to survive because I am the one who never hold tight on social enactment. I think I am recluse. Simple observation could tell you that unless someone strike up a good conversation, I won’t say a thing. Let’s just say it’s a different association within the now and then. Back then, I still find people whom will associate me with optimism and sincere laughter. And then perhaps of the race of humanity, it’s less than a dozen over here. Perhaps it all falls back to my inability of contactable and different environment just exhaust me. Sue, you would know what I am famishing about. I hope a transfer of city light could fill the absence of what you are seeking. Did I mention how no one could make me laugh like how Amir does? And how no one dawned upon you with care and questions like Dara does? Or how Kien’s craps consist so little of offense and more of a quaint of charming humor. Or how maturity just functions the right way underneath the croaky voice of Robin. Or how I never failed to smile upon Jason and Winnie’s conversation.

(Credits to Winnie. I love this much.)

 2. My eldest cousin of the Tan family is married. Like finally. I still remembered how he would teamed up with Teck Hao and Teck Wei with a livid seriousness on their faces and announced to a 6 year old me that every time I had my afternoon nap, thousands and millions of creepy bugs would crawl up to me just by being disgusting. I remembered myself squaring up the cozy blanket unconsciously to form a protection, yet I would still grumble over their teeny weeby evil face and shoo them off, refusing to believe the whole bug thing. And when I woke up, they stayed exactly at the same line and describing how many bugs came not long ago.

It scare me to death and I literally sobbed my way to my late grandpa whom I missed dearly. In return, I got my keropok of the day from the bread man.  

For an odd reason, as we grew up it was less conversation and more of a hi bye. Maybe it was the age gap. Or not.  

I was thrilled to receive my first angpau from him. :) 

I feel tired and worn out.

And the belonging I will never have. Goodnight.

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Soundtrack: Schuyler Fisk-Waking Life 

Infinite Playlist

It was a hit in My Space and I was blown away by Michael Cera performances in Juno. Thus when I read about Nick and Norah’s Indefinite Playlist, I promised myself to spend the ounce of my life watching it an after a faithful of waiting and searching, I’ve watched it yesterday and it made me marched with the beat and smiled at the random expression which painted the more realistic manners of teenagers today. You can read the original book copy here.

Because it felt real and organic inside the movie. With random strangers and passerby reacting to the interactions of their every action. It shows the vulnerability and raw side of the New York streets nightlife where we only feel alive with the relationships between random conversation and strangers. This film was initially shot throughout the middle of the night with real uplifting street passerby and people. I love how impossibly accurate it portrays the people and streets. Scene like Norah describing how to open the locked door to Caroline just reminds you how vague friends are suppose to be again.

And I swear, the moment Nick reaching out his hand at the subway escalator and says, “We didn’t miss it. This IS it.” when they missed the greatest gig of all time, it wasn’t a waste of word like most corny lines. It was naked with sincerity and cleared away the bad air.

__________

Norah: It reminds me of the part of Judaism that I really like. It’s called Tikkun Olam. It says that the world’s been broken into pieces and it’s everybody’s job to find them and put them together again.

Nick: Well, maybe we’re the pieces you know? Maybe we are not supposed to find the pieces.

Maybe, we are the pieces.

__________

Soundtrack: Jimmy Eat World-23

The Science Of Sleep

Sit still and listen now.

We all dreamed like this once upon a time.

________

Those four minutes inhale me so slowly.