Memory Preference

The House Of Small Cubes by Kunio Kato.

Angeline sent me this animation (Best Animated Picture at Milan Film Festival, Animated Shorts of Oscar Academy Awards, etc.) earlier today and I felt the relationship between the old man and anyone of us was an especially well written concept. It was in fact, too rich with the genuine sense of lost memory that is most probably unable to be reconstruct anymore.

By contrast, the piled up house of small cubes struck to me much similar to my rockfish dream last night. I was paying more attention, I gather, to the old pipe rather than the layered house actually and like a train passing by the window with a dry clatter, only voices to be heard, the swift horn was the makeshift and best part of all. The layered house is beyond me. Beyond everyone else. Perhaps, precisely because of this indirect effect to me , I have managed to accept the devoid in exchange for a hope for more in focus and beautiful picture all this times.

After it had finished surprising me, the sequence will goes on with the same sentimental value because it will always be dislocating realities. Because the process of healing are always in a seemingly far away tone. Existing but knotted in trepidation.

Sometimes in life, all I ever wanted was leaving me behind at the same stage selfishly.

Swept Aside, Surprise Surprise.

I saw a picture book by Annie Leibovitz the other day at a random swarm in bookshop and it was dead gorgeous. Almost as good as Tim Walker, the picture they produced. But then what strikes me real bland underneath is that no one could ever photographed an ordinary sky scene into something violently beautiful like Max Wanger. They just strike me upon like gentle wind. They blew me away. How can you take your eyes off these shots? 

Its a palliative therapy for people like me who have outrageous love for balloons, dreamy skies and wedding. They make be happy. Like the other side of the world exist and lives a tunnel away.

 

Author Of The Storm

Holiday is not sturdy enough to break my headstrong. I just had to stayed up late all night going through endless heart wrecking drama and film and confined myself into a piece of beautiful mess. That is burrowing beneath weeping over them. At some point I am drawing over the line to stop watching for the salvation of whatever bucket liters of tears I have left.

I love the weather being windy. Making me cold. Soaking into the pond of wool cotton.

Some other afternoon, I am beginning to grapple in the dilemma of substance, as my hand glided through the crisp texture of sugar brown texture book cover, the one I recently discovered hidden in my box of delightful. There were more later on, just the right ingredients for this mellow afternoon, with a dignified silence.

From the moment I lay my eyes on a book my permutations are fixed. I am never deceived in such matters. My first impression on words and covers are invariably right. They don’t call be romanticism for zero. You, taking essence of beauty and putting them into words. I couldn’t be more please. I will want to say yes, just because sometimes everything just tunes in and I want to be enveloped in you.

Pulling away myself from the mess, I am trying god damn hard to organize pass work of art and picture. I need time before I post them up or pass along to whoever deserved and belonged. Bear with my mood transition.

I ‘ve covered most film and Greys series. I prefer the ending where George Omalley stays, when it is cloaked in the shadows of awkward lines but distant warm behind the character. I prefer a scene of Izzie conjuring up an undeniably feeling of Izzie.

Sometimes, the indulgence and familiarity to click on The Storyteller becomes so forceful, I forgot. The unsuspecting me. Then I suddenly realized the song has ended because of how quiet it has become, when the reading of the same old post, remain untouched.

Two more weeks before getting back to the lost art of walking.

More strong violent winds please. They awaken my essence.

To Those Who Finds

Transcript:

“I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That’s it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: “We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?” They said: “Of course.” My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents’ savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn’t see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn’t interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn’t all romantic. I didn’t have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends’ rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn’t know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down – that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple’s current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn’t even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor’s code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you’d have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I’m fine now.

This was the closest I’ve been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960’s, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry.Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.”

__________

Don’t treat them as A Nice And Motivational Speech, because it was his ocean of a lifetime.

I wished the world is full of those tonight.

Strawberry Swing

This is made of sugar delight and intrigue me to smile for the first time after 2 months of heavy hormonal wave. Maybe we should just, after all, sing our art out heartedly and nothing else matters. At least they get a fullness of moment.

I should be back from the chaotic state within 2 weeks time. For now i am drowning into the depth below with an invisible barrier and you should hello yourself to this video. It should takes a fabric of blackness out of you. The adventure of superheroes, pirates and evil squirrel with superb ending- butterfly flower rain was pretty :)

—

“The amazing new Strawberry Swing video was directed by visual artists Shynola. We asked Kenny, one of the Shynola team, to tell us how they made it.

Hello Kenny, how are you?
Great, thank you. I’m eating a yogurt.

How did you come to be involved with the Strawberry Swing video?
We were approached one day, with what was an unusual, but rather intriguing brief – namely, make a video for a song that wasn’t really going to be released, and at film resolution so it could be shown in cinemas. More of a short-film than a typically commercial piece.

Could you tell us some of the other music videos you guys have worked on?
We’ve made videos for Beck, Unkle, The Rapture, a load of stuff for Radiohead, a video with David Shrigley for Blur, and my favourite one – Queens of the Stone Age.

Are you fans of Coldplay?
Who?

Had you had this idea up your sleeves for a while, or was it a direct response to the Strawberry Swing song?
No, we always pitch specifically for the song. That has previous occasions that we have stared at a blank wall for a week and found no inspiration at all. We’ve then had to pass on those projects. But we’d still rather work that way. The work is pointless agony if you’re not inspired. Our hope is that when the video is finished and you’ve watched it, that afterwards when you hear the song you can’t help but think of the video.

So, how did you go about planning this video?
We sat around throwing ideas back and forth, silly details or camera moves, and then started to sketch these as stills. We then cut these stills into a timeline, alongside the song, to get a sense of pacing and how it would all marry with the music. It was deliberately spontaneous at that stage to try and keep the video playful. That’s a hard thing to hold on to when you are being meticulous.

What’s the inspiration behind the story in the video?
First and foremost we really wanted it to be nonsensical and almost dream-like. We also knew that the technique itself would also be a lot for the eye to take in. So when we had the idea of a day with a superhero on some weird adventure we chose to frame the journey with a very simple, easy-to-understand narrative: superhero saves girl from baddy. So it’s pretty weird, but makes some sort of sense. I saw the video referred to as “ten-steps-left-of-centre” which we take as a great compliment. I might even get that as a tattoo.

Have any of Shynola had a bad experience with squirrels?
Our lawyers inform us that if we talk about it now it may jeopardise the court case.

It looks like you must have had a very detailed plan before Chris came into the studio?
Once we got confirmation that it was happening we all made a swift visit to the toilet. As you can imagine this took a LOT of organisation and planning. We were going “what have we promised here?” We ended up making a fully animated “pre-vis” version of the video beforehand, with a CG Chris. You can watch it in its own right. This served as a microscopic, frame-by-frame guide for us on the shoot. Which meant that when we actually came to start shooting, in a way, the video was already edited and finished.

How much did you try to tie the plot in with the Strawberry Swing lyrics and the music?
We never see the point in following lyrics literally. We would be adding nothing. We do however try and capture the feel of the song – what the music suggests to us.

How long were you with Chris (and where)?
We were in Los Angeles for around a week or so. I think the band were on a little break mid-tour.

How did you communicate to him what he had to?
We broke the video down into shots and tackled them chronologically, having a much needed rest between each. We would show Chris the animated version and then try to recreate it as precisely as possible. “Start here. Move 52 increments. Finish in this position. On frame 38, look behind you.” He was unflappable, he memorised it all instantly. Just outside of shot we had a huge grid drawn out to help us find his position and we would yell at him “North east, one foot!”.

Was he a good real-life-superhero-in-an-animated world?
It wasn’t really until we started filming that it dawned on us just how vital his ability was to the whole show. If he hadn’t got it, and got in to it, we would have been scuppered. Luckily he was even better than we could have anticipated. He’s also incredibly fit. We filmed some tests in our London studio with myself on the floor and after 10 minutes I needed a hip replacement.

Did you have to do a lot of takes?
There really wasn’t time to to redo shots, so everything you see is the first attempt. We did have a false start when we checked the first shot and found that you could clearly see the grid we were using and had to start again.

How long was Chris in the studio?
We met briefly a couple of times for his costume fitting and then when we were setting up the day prior to filming. He put the costume on and started rolling around on the floor giddily while we looked through the lens. That was perhaps the happiest moment of the project. We thought “Damn, this might just work”.

Was the “chalk-drawing” actually done on the floor?
No one seems to want to believe that we drew it on the floor. Which is particularly galling, seeing how long the video took us.

So how did you do it?
Again we had pretty much all of the animation roughly blocked-out beforehand using computers. It was just a matter of taking one frame at a time with our grid for reference. Luckily, you only need to draw or rub out the bits that have moved since the last frame. We also had this cool portable monitor while filming, which showed you a live feed from the camera, blended with the previous take and our pre-vis.

Was that the most time consuming part of the process?
It was all pretty gruelling. The thing that sticks in my mind was when Chris is falling with the umbrella. If you look closely he is lying on a tiny square skateboard we had made. For each frame we had to drag him an inch this way or that to make him swing. There was a lot of sore backs after the shoot. Always bend at the knee. And back up your hard-drive.

Did you have many technical problems while you were making it?
We did have the occasional problem with the cape getting snarled up – oh, the perils of superhero life! – but we had a brilliant art department team who very capably waggled his cape for the whole shoot.

How long were you working on it in all?
Far too long. My therapist says I should draw a line under it.

Presumably you’re pleased with the final video?
We always hate our videos when we’ve just finished them. If they are not full of mistakes, meddling or compromises, then we are always sick to the back-teeth of looking at them. There’s always a discrepancy between what’s in your mind and the end product. Astonishingly, considering how difficult it was, this one worked out really, really well. Largely this was due to the amount of trust the band and the management put in us.

Have you seen it on a cinema screen yet?
I went to a special test-screening in London to check the transfer. You really need to see it huge to take in all the detail. For a while we wondered: will anyone even know it’s Chris Martin? But when you see it in the cinema he is life size. It’s weird. It’s like he’s rolling around in front of you.

What do you hope viewers will take from the video?
The best technique for blowing up a squirrel.

And finally, tell us a bit about the dog at the end. What role did he/she have in the production?

The dog’s name is Phil. He’s often credited in Coldplay’s sleevenotes as the fifth member.”

—

Extracted from here.

Teeth

Have you ever heard of vagina dentata?

I had a hard time concentrating after a short inhale of acknowledgment, drying out in this state of incompleteness the whole afternoon. Vagina dentata is Latin for toothed vagina and apparently it wasn’t just another comical metaphor suggesting fierce vagina or something but real teeth growing inside a girl’s vagina. If I were to rate the disturbing scale of 1-10, this would pretty much be an eleven. All it took was a random click on the Teeth movie trailer, a horror black comedy independent film by Mitchell Lichtensein. Fucking brilliant concept and impudence to share about, where the teeth in a vagina’s at most time bites of the penis when having a sex intercourse. That is no doubt smart and slick, entirely unashamed throwing a few nasty shocks and public psyche into a perfect equation of being.

 I havent watch the film yet (soon) but after reading the spoiler, I couldn’t agree more with Ev that this is the weirdest movie plot that I have ever encountered. Ever. And I thought Hard Candy was the bold subject.

The disturbance and confuse and the beginning goes ambling aimlessly and haunt the most part of me because I was told that there are real incident where real vaginas of woman actually consist the growth of teeth, and I couldn’t bring myself to decide anymore on the following part of the supposing myth, where they served as the weapon of sex and bites of penises. The sanity can suffer much. I read on the myth of vagina dentata just enough to realize that it leaves traces from various to diverse culture since long time ago. I could only hope that this were to happen to a rape victim but sadly the myth even appeared in Salvador Dali painting and his neurotic dreams. I cant help but wondered, could it be possible that the existence of womb fear and man’s fear of sexual intercourse are real? If so, when did violent rape came in to the picture and why?

The myth tales, on the other hand, totally bury me in shocked.

“Jonathon Green writes that “male fear and even hatred of the vagina persists unabated: emotions that are faithfully reflected in slang” (1993), citing examples such as ’snatch’, ’snatch-blatch’, ’snatch box’/’snatch-box’, ‘vacuum’, ’sperm-sucker’, ‘wastepipe’, ‘fool trap’, ‘fly-catcher’, ‘bite’, ’snapper’, ’snapping turtle’, ‘carnal-trap’, ‘mangle’, ‘manhole’, ‘man-trap’, ‘prick-skinner’, ‘eel-skinner’, ‘eel-trap’, ‘mouse-trap’, and ’skin-the-pizzle’. The perception here is of the vagina as an organ with “hidden dangers lurking within” (Erica Jong, 1973), ready to trap, snap, swallow, skin, or otherwise incapacitate the penis.”

“It is indirectly personified by the Etruscan demoness Culsu (who carries scissors) and the Alawan goddess Kunapipi (who swallows men with her womb), both of whom have names etymologically related to ‘cunt’”

“Pablo Picasso painted a woman holding a tray of sea urchins, with the creatures as representations of the vagina dentata.”

“Salvador Dali has depicted the vagina as a lobster with sharp claws”

Teeth continues to celebrate the flowing good critics and review from the Sundance film festival.

Girls just shrugged and feel awesome.

Guys acclaimed it to be the horror film for male species in general. Sleep with one eye open that is.

I however, still don’t quite like the idea of teeth growing in my vaginas wtf. Yes I completely feel for the woman about female power and rights but the twisted aggressiveness still gross me out. Nonetheless, I will be the brave-watcher next week. I heard Jess Weixler, the toothed vagina actress are a resemblance of a young Kate Winslet.

P/s This always happened when i am having group chat with the besties. This time its a toothed vagina discovery. I wonder whats next?

The Escaped Fallacy

I only write when the fistful of muse juggles up the mind and I couldn’t bear to acquaint in silent. Astonishingly I managed to establish a portrait figure within two hours given the fact that I applied simplified stroke and the results left me pondering for a very long time. I think I actually paused for a moment, trying hard to remember how this figure get on that piece of paper, and to who may it belongs to. I am agonizing like that. It is one of these mornings again, where I haven’t slept at all because I just can’t. Be it the mounting assignments that I wouldn’t race them with poor finishing or the fracture perpetual once upon a time. They condense and float away sometimes. But increasing lately.

Carelessly I have reached the mid February of a brand new year. New Year resolution never worked out for me seeing that I always lost the safest place to finally settle down. If life were meant to equalize pleasing resolutions, I’d rather continue another perspective of something uncommon and spent half my life tearing for the beautiful. I’ve been just thinking so much. About how I rely on angst to compose a judgment. When I was 14 years old, the age of today seemed so far away and the transparency of future always vibe up the hopefulness in me because I knew there were so much to be accomplished. And here I am today, refraining myself to bring up the future because of the uncertainty inside else. Where had the million years of light flew across and why didn’t I notice the silent warning within? In the end of the road, that piece of stained whiteness still consists of the optimism 5 years ago. 

Which I pulled over the surface when it comes down to sleepless night.

When things are already over and besides, I inhale them. Even if my imagination allowed me to indulge into redeemable and the magic of believing it, it all boils down to lack of respect, on many levels. People sometimes take people for granted and just dismissed their words to form a whole new sentence. And it’s fucking irrelevant to the point of annoying. I am not ready to remind mistakes. Next time when I ever mentioned that I always tried to disappear in the crowd of people, it is the haunting persona of yours that messes with the hormones. Geez.

On a lighter note, these are the few things that made me happy lately.

1. To be surrounded by familiar voices again. Ever since I transferred, it scares me on how little I need to survive because I am the one who never hold tight on social enactment. I think I am recluse. Simple observation could tell you that unless someone strike up a good conversation, I won’t say a thing. Let’s just say it’s a different association within the now and then. Back then, I still find people whom will associate me with optimism and sincere laughter. And then perhaps of the race of humanity, it’s less than a dozen over here. Perhaps it all falls back to my inability of contactable and different environment just exhaust me. Sue, you would know what I am famishing about. I hope a transfer of city light could fill the absence of what you are seeking. Did I mention how no one could make me laugh like how Amir does? And how no one dawned upon you with care and questions like Dara does? Or how Kien’s craps consist so little of offense and more of a quaint of charming humor. Or how maturity just functions the right way underneath the croaky voice of Robin. Or how I never failed to smile upon Jason and Winnie’s conversation.

(Credits to Winnie. I love this much.)

 2. My eldest cousin of the Tan family is married. Like finally. I still remembered how he would teamed up with Teck Hao and Teck Wei with a livid seriousness on their faces and announced to a 6 year old me that every time I had my afternoon nap, thousands and millions of creepy bugs would crawl up to me just by being disgusting. I remembered myself squaring up the cozy blanket unconsciously to form a protection, yet I would still grumble over their teeny weeby evil face and shoo them off, refusing to believe the whole bug thing. And when I woke up, they stayed exactly at the same line and describing how many bugs came not long ago.

It scare me to death and I literally sobbed my way to my late grandpa whom I missed dearly. In return, I got my keropok of the day from the bread man.  

For an odd reason, as we grew up it was less conversation and more of a hi bye. Maybe it was the age gap. Or not.  

I was thrilled to receive my first angpau from him. :) 

I feel tired and worn out.

And the belonging I will never have. Goodnight.

______________

Soundtrack: Schuyler Fisk-Waking Life 

Infinite Playlist

It was a hit in My Space and I was blown away by Michael Cera performances in Juno. Thus when I read about Nick and Norah’s Indefinite Playlist, I promised myself to spend the ounce of my life watching it an after a faithful of waiting and searching, I’ve watched it yesterday and it made me marched with the beat and smiled at the random expression which painted the more realistic manners of teenagers today. You can read the original book copy here.

Because it felt real and organic inside the movie. With random strangers and passerby reacting to the interactions of their every action. It shows the vulnerability and raw side of the New York streets nightlife where we only feel alive with the relationships between random conversation and strangers. This film was initially shot throughout the middle of the night with real uplifting street passerby and people. I love how impossibly accurate it portrays the people and streets. Scene like Norah describing how to open the locked door to Caroline just reminds you how vague friends are suppose to be again.

And I swear, the moment Nick reaching out his hand at the subway escalator and says, “We didn’t miss it. This IS it.” when they missed the greatest gig of all time, it wasn’t a waste of word like most corny lines. It was naked with sincerity and cleared away the bad air.

__________

Norah: It reminds me of the part of Judaism that I really like. It’s called Tikkun Olam. It says that the world’s been broken into pieces and it’s everybody’s job to find them and put them together again.

Nick: Well, maybe we’re the pieces you know? Maybe we are not supposed to find the pieces.

Maybe, we are the pieces.

__________

Soundtrack: Jimmy Eat World-23